Everything But The Kitchen Sink
by lulu42
Summary: Kakashi must have angered a god in a previous life. Why else would his soulmate be such a walking cliché? A Kakasaku Variety Pack of Modern Day AUs!
1. The Coffee Ninja

Author's Note: Hello, and Welcome to Everything but the Kitchen Sink. Obviously, it is a soulmate fanfic, but I have a few more surprises in store.

As you may have noticed, this story is rated M. FFN has weird guidelines, so the rating comes from innuendo, violence, and Hidan. If you are looking for sexy times, I'm afraid you will be disappointed. *sad trombone* I suggest you take a look at bluefurcape's rendition of Kakashi in thigh high socks on tumblr. _OH! LA! LA!_

Now, if you are looking for a dumb story, that is like every other story, THIS IS IT! All of it is recycled! **NOTHING ORIGINAL! HAHAHAHAHAHA**

* * *

 **CHAPTER ONE**

 **HATAKE KAKASHI, THE COFFEE NINJA**

Sakura met her soulmate after a grueling assignment.

Her target had been a repulsive man who was suspected of kidnapping minors to pawn off his drugs. Orochimaru's profile failed to mention his foot fetish, and Sakura had been unprepared for her target's aggressive removal of her knee high socks. She had a mere moment to gather her thoughts as the soulmark on her ankle was exposed.

A soulmark which revealed she was older than the sixteen years she claimed to be.

The assignment went sideways immediately; Sakura had been assigned to gather intelligence, but ended up in a bloody fight which left a handful of dead and the building burning. A quick survey of Orochimaru's office had netted his laptop and a change of clothes. The school uniform smelled musty but it was better than the blood-stained clothes she had been wearing. She changed quickly, departing for the railway before anyone reported the fire.

Sakura met her soulmate when her post-fight adrenaline had begun to fade, and she longed for a shower to wipe off the wrongness of the night.

As such, Sakura made a terrible first impression.

Seats on the rail were hard to come by even at that time of night. Sakura boarded with a firm grip on her bag, mindful of the stolen laptop and her ruined clothes. She could see a vacant spot next to an older man near the back. Sakura made her way towards him, only to have her progress stopped by an outstretched arm.

"You don't want to sit there," said the woman with a sniff. "That man is a regular during this time. A young girl such as you shouldn't be too close to someone like _him_. The man's a pervert."

"What?" Sakura blinked as she willed herself to focus. She gave another look towards the man in the back. He had silver hair, a surgical face mask, and was reading a book. He reminded Sakura of a few teachers she had in high school, perhaps a librarian.

The woman gave her a pitying look. "If you need a seat, you are welcome to mine." The woman gathered her things from her seat and slowly stood up, revealing the pregnant belly that had been hidden by her large purse.

Sakura's eyes widened. There was no way she could take the seat of a pregnant woman. Why break a social taboo when there was a perfectly good seat open? Besides, Sakura had been able to handle creepy, old men for ten years. She had expertly handled one just a few hours before, although that method was a little extreme. She could knock Professor Perv down a peg or two if it really got down to it.

Waving the woman off, Sakura scurried to the back. She gave a small apology as she barreled across the man to throw herself in the chair. Her right foot stopped throbbing as soon as she sat down, and she gave a happy sigh of relief. Sakura could see the strange man shift next to her out of the corner of her eye. Ignoring him, she closed her eyes and gave her best imitation of a squid by making herself as boneless as possible.

Tsunade was going to eat her alive when she found out Sakura's quiet investigation ended up as a warehouse cover-up.

A few minutes later, she heard the stranger give a small huff as he shifted once more. Sakura kept her face expressionless, wiggling her toes in the pair of boots she had found in the back of a closet. It was a shame they were a bit too small; she would have kept them otherwise. Sakura tried not to think about the girl who had own them before. She was mostly successful.

Her moment of zen was interrupted by a low voice at her left.

"Do you mind?"

"Mmm?" Sakura opened her eyes to see the annoyance on the man's face. At least, she thought it was annoyance; it was rather hard to tell with the surgical mask and whatever hair situation he had going on. Now that she was closer to him, Sakura could see he was a lot younger that she thought; the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes were barely visible.

"You're in my space"—the stranger pointed to an imaginary barrier that Sakura had breached—"and I am trying to stay in mine." He pointed to his crossed legs. "Don't be rude."

Sakura thought the stranger's first comment would be about her short skirt. Instead, he was ruffled by her lack of manners! How terribly polite; maybe the pregnant woman was wrong about him being a pervert.

"Sorry," Sakura sighed, and willed herself from an invertebrate and back into a human being, "I'm just a bit tired." The man only response was to bury his face behind the garish, orange cover again.

 **HOLY FUCK**

The fight from earlier must have made her more tired that she thought if she failed to notice _that_ particular detail.

"Put away your porn," Sakura hissed as she stared at the ONLY EIGHTEEN symbol centimeters away from her eyeballs. "Who read's that stuff in public, next to a high schooler? It's lewd."

"Not I," replied the man from behind his book. "I'm not certain who you are trying to fool, but I'd place you at twenty-two or so."

Sakura gaped at him in shock. She had been ordered by Tsunade to grow out her hair to give her a more youthful look. There was a wardrobe full of school uniforms at her home, even though she had been out of school for years. Her disguise as a high-schooler had fooled dozens of targets, and this weirdo pervert had seen right through it. She was grateful that her hair was dyed brown; she was feeling a bit exposed.

Irritated by the man's observation skills, she retaliated by yanking the book at his hands and hitting him on the right side of his face with it.

"Ewww… I can't believe you!" Sakura screeched in her most irritating voice. A bit juvenile, but that was what she was going for. The stranger was caught off guard by her swift attack, and didn't even raise his hands to block her.

Sakura stopped when she managed to dislodge the string that held his surgical mask in place. The victorious smile slid from her face when she saw the soulmark curved along his jaw.

 ** _Sakura_**

It didn't mean much; Sakura was a common name. It didn't mean that he was her soulmate. But the revelation still caused her heart to stutter in her chest. Feeling terribly rude by exposing something so personal, she tore her eyes from the tattoo and settled her eyes on the book in her hand. For the tenth time that day, Sakura was hit in the face with another surprise as she looked at pages of _Icha Icha_.

It should have been nudity. Instead, she was looking at a rather beautiful illustration of foxglove.

In the space of five seconds, the man next to her became infinitely more interesting. It was a stroke of luck that the rail doors opened at the time; Sakura had had a hell of a day, and her mind was at its limit. The last thing she needed was do something else stupid, like ask his name. She beat a hasty exist, taking the stranger's book with her.

Sakura walked the rest of the way home with throbbing feet. She tried not to think about how her name looked across his jaw. She tried not to think about how clever the stranger was. She tried to remember what the rest of his face looked like. She failed in all regards.

It didn't help that she still had his book in her hands; the proof that there was more to people that just the trash she took out every day in her line of work. Being a covert operative was hard, and Sakura had always been proud to rise to the challenge. Lately though, it was getting tougher, as she realized there was no end to the depths people would sink to. It was nice to have a pleasant surprise.

Sakura waited until she was in the comfort of her own home before she did a full perusal of her stolen merchandise. Beneath the slipcover of an infamous porn book was a copy of _The Art of the Garden: Collecting Antique Botanical Prints_. The stranger wanted extra space on the rail, but was too polite to be rude. Instead, he let the passengers come to their own conclusions of his morals. No wonder he acted so annoyed when she invaded his space. She had seen right through his disguise too.

Sakura took a sip of her tea as she reveled in the small satisfaction. She paused when she saw an inscription by the table of contents.

 _Sakumo,_

 _This book is in gratitude for your guidance. Your strength is my inspiration, and I will endeavor to reach my goals with as much gusto as you live._

It wasn't signed, but it didn't matter. The stranger, Sakumo, was just another man who crossed her path. She made a note to not travel on that rail during that time of night again if she could avoid it. Sakumo was too good at seeing underneath her disguise and she couldn't risk a civilian recognizing her.

She had exposed his soulmark too. Sakumo was right; she _**was**_ rude. Sakura groaned into a pillow as she felt her face flush. Did that mean she was turning into Naruto?

The phone next to her rang, and Sakura winced when she saw Tsuande's name on the caller id.

"Hello," she answered.

"You are to report tomorrow morning bright and early. You have a lot to explain."

"I understand. It ended up being more complicated than I thought." Sakura's voice even sounded weak to her own ears.

"I don't care. What I _do_ care about is the massive investigation that will happen because of _your failure_. You are supposed to be my reliable one! Not compared to the knuckle-head."

Sakura felt her face twist in unhappiness, and was grateful that Tsunade couldn't see her face from the other end of the line.

"I can hear you pouting," Tsunade said. "This man was high profile and we operate with the highest standards at all times. Consider this a failure."

"I understand."

"We will see you tomorrow."

Sakura sighed when the she heard the call disconnect. She stood up to stretch, popping her back with twist. Grabbing the stolen book, she tucked it next to her medical texts on her bookshelf. In the dark, Sakura ignored the disappointment in her belly, and the warmth that radiated from the tattoo on her ankle.

~O~

Two months later, their paths crossed again.

Konoha was a premier covert ops organization which was known for its stealth and discretion. Sakura's assignments had largely focused on information extraction. Her youth was a huge asset, and she was able to get close to targets without arousing suspicion. The warehouse fire was an exception, a rather large one. She had only killed one other man before that night, but the warehouse incident raised her statistic to five. Sakura had argued that her soulmark was the reason for her failure; perhaps she sounded too bitter, because Tsunade merely raised an eyebrow at her excuse.

Tsunade had determined Sakura had reached her breaking point, and pulled her from field assignments. Since then, Sakura had enrolled in medical school, Konoha footing the bill for her tuition. It was a nice change of pace, and as much as Sakura had prided in her skills as a covert op, she thought she might be done with it.

It was Ino who brought Sakura to the coffee shop. She had begged Sakura to accompany her for the better part of a month, going on and on about one of the attractive employees.

"Great coffee and eye candy, you can't ask for anything more!" Ino tugged a reluctant Sakura into shop. "They have an opening available for a part-time employee; I'm thinking of applying."

"You already have a job." Sakura gave a sweep of the room, because some skills died hard. There were a few comfortable chairs, and a row of stools along a wall where several college students tapped away at their laptops. There was a series of paintings along the walls of some adorable dogs. The smell of caffeine was heavy in the air. Sakura could see the appeal.

Ino smiled at the red-head behind the counter. "Hi Karin, I'll have a medium Pakkun today."

"And you?" The employee said in a bored voice.

"I'll take a large latte." Sakura didn't even glance at the board, reaching into her purse to pull out some money.

"No."

"What?" Sakura blinked at the rude employee.

"We don't make lattes," Karin replied with a bored voice as she pointed to the chalkboard above her head. "The Coffee Ninja only sells black drip coffee. There's eight blends, all named after the dogs on the wall. We have milk and sugar along the wall if you need it, but we don't do food or coffee full of corn syrup. If you want a dessert, there is a pastry shop across the street."

Ino rolled her eyes. "Serve her a cup of Pakkun too. Is that position for part-time still open?"

Karin shrugged as she handed two cups of coffee to them. "Give me a moment and I'll go ask the boss. He's in the back."

"Thanks," Ino gave her most winning smile to Karin. She tugged Sakura to a pair of seats by the window.

"I can't believe they don't serve lattes," Sakura said as she took a sip of her coffee. The bitter taste hit her first, followed by the high notes of citrus underneath. "Why would you want to work here? You don't even need the money!" It was true. Ino and the rest of her family had deep roots in the Konoha organization, and some of her more ambitious relatives were now affiliated with the government.

Ino laughed. "Only the hardcore coffee junkies come here. Nobody cares much about customer service, they just want caffeine. You should see it in the morning rush. It's a mad house. You see all sorts here, and my father was telling me that I needed to work on some of my observational skills."

"Well, I guess this is as good a place as any," Sakura replied as she took another drink. There was a complexity to the coffee that Sakura could appreciate; layers of flavor underneath each other that couldn't be found in a standard coffee shop. She was still trying to peg if the citrus flavor was lemongrass or orange.

Ino's eyes lit up as she looked over Sakura's shoulder to an approaching figure. "Good morning! I wanted—"

"No." A smooth baritone behind Sakura cut Ino off. "I recognize you, and I'm not hiring you so you can flirt with my employees." The voice niggled at Sakura's memory, and she turned to the side to catch a glimpse of unmistakable silver hair.

 _Fuck._

It was Sakumo.

"I do **not** flirt with your employees." For being in a secret spy organization, Ino was a terrible liar.

"Don't make me ban you," Sakumo warned. "Sasuke has already threatened to quit a handful of times. The only reason the morning rush goes as smooth as it does is because he knows half of the regular orders by heart."

Ino sighed. "Fine. I hate to ruin what a good thing we have going on." She gave her coffee cup an affectionate pat.

"What about your friend?" Sakumo asked. "She seems well-mannered."

Sakura took a hasty gulp of coffee and burned her tongue. She shook her head in response as she sputtered into her hand. In the two months since Sakura last saw him, she had cut her hair and it was back to her natural pink shade. But, Sakura was wary to use her voice in front of man whose observation skills surpassed her own. She made hasty eye contact, and was pleased to see he didn't seem to recognize her. Sakura felt the tension leave her body.

"Ah, too bad," he said. "I'll have Kiba man the counter again in the morning." He gave a short nod in goodbye. "Ladies." It was his polite tone that finally broke Sakura; she turned to watch him walk away. Every time Sakura took another look at Sakumo she learned something new about him.

Apparently, Sakumo liked to work out, because his ass was _incredible._

Ino stood up from her seat and grabbed Sakura by the wrist. Sakura followed without protest, ignoring the twinge in her ankle.

~O~

It took Sakura a few days to summon up the nerve to return to The Coffee Ninja. She would never admit it to Ino, but she was going for more than the coffee. It's not like Ino would understand anyway; she didn't have a soulmark. Konoha was Ino's family business, and she had always had known she was going to work there.

Sakura was an outsider, recruited by Tsunade when Sakura finished high school three years ahead of her peers at the age of fifteen. Sakura had been shocked when the soulmark appeared on her eighteenth birthday. Spies weren't afforded the luxury of soulmates, and Tsunade revealed that Sakura was the only one in the organization who had one. Mortified, Sakura had tried to banish its existence by sheer stubbornness. Five years later, the mark had not budged from her ankle.

Sakura headed toward the coffee shop because she felt she needed a good start for the day. Tsunade had called her in for a meeting and those always had a fifty-percent chance of carrying bad news. Sakura was half a block away when she realized that the crowd in front of her was the line for The Coffee Ninja. She backtracked, relieved that the line moved quickly enough. A few minutes later, she found herself near the entrance. A large man was to her left, his auburn hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"Good morning, good morning," said the large man. "Let's keep the line moving and the coffee flowing!"

"I need some change, Chouji," said a customer as he handed a bill over. The employee reached into his apron, expertly counting out small bills and swapping them with the customer. Sakura pulled the bills from her wallet as she approached the counter, observing the organized chaos. Most of the employees were her age, displaying a sense of teamwork that would make Tsunade seethe in jealousy. The man in front of Sakura moved to pick up his order, and Sakura was suddenly in front of the prettiest face she had ever seen. Her eyes darted down to the name tag and she smirked. He was _**so**_ Ino's type.

"You're new," said Sasuke, a small frown on his face which did nothing to deter from his good looks. "Please move to the table on the right for special attention." He jingled a bell that was hidden under the counter.

"Welcome!" cried the staff in unison.

Bewildered, Sakura did as she was told, perching on a stool next to a chalkboard sign.

 **The Coffee Ninja**

 _We serve coffee as black as our souls._

Sakura snorted. One of the employees approached, a broad smile on his face

"Good morning, I'm Kiba," he said. The barista's wild hair was sticking out from underneath his cap. "I'm going to help you pick the right coffee blend. Are you new, or is this your first time during morning rush?"

"Ah, both? I only came here once with my friend and she picked the blend for me."

Kiba nodded. "Yeah, that's how we get most of our regulars. Word of mouth is crazy here. Well, here's how it works at The Coffee Ninja. We give you all sorts of attention during your first proper visit. After that, you have to follow our exact rules or the boss will ban you." He gave a wild laugh that rose above the noise in the coffee shop. "We have a perp wall in the back for those who don't follow the rules. So are you ready to start?"

"Okay," said Sakura. There was an easy going nature in Kiba's attitude that reminded her of Naruto. "I think I had the… uh…Pakum blend?"

"Ah, Pakkun! It's our most popular coffee blend and a good one to start out with, since it's mild and clean. We always have four pots of it brewing during the morning rush. So what did you think about it?"

"I liked it a lot! I'm not really a fan of bold coffee, I don't like that way it lingers."

Kiba nodded. "Okay, so I'm going to have you try two more. One is Guruko and the other is a seasonal called Akamaru. I think both of them are in your wheel house." Kiba made his way to the coffee pots and poured a couple of small cups. When he came back, he leaned forward as if he was sharing a secret.

"Personally, I'm a huge fan of Akamaru. The fact that the boss named the seasonal blend after my dog is purely coincidental."

"Oh, I'm certain," Sakura said, as she tried both cups.

"Right, here are the rules. The Coffee Ninja makes everything simple so everyone can get what they want as quickly as possible. Sasuke has been working here for years, and that jerk has photographic memory. If you don't try to follow the rules he will remember you and stick you on the perp wall. Morning rush is between the hours of six in the morning to ten. When entering, you must have exact change for your coffee. If you don't, you need to get change from the man by the door, or go somewhere else.

"Everything is evenly priced on purpose, to get people in and out. When you approach the counter, you are only allowed two words: the size of the drink and the blend of coffee. During this time, the cashier will ring you up, hand you a receipt and you go to the left to the far end to pick up your brew. Creamer and sugar are over by the table there, but I should warn you, most of the regulars call it 'the walk of shame.'" He gave Sakura a flirty wink that made her eyes roll.

"We close at ten for an hour to clean house, and open again at eleven. That's when the wifi is turned on, full sentences are allowed, and laptops are welcome. The coffee shop closes at three in the afternoon every day. Got it all?"

"Yeah, I think so." She looked down at the two cups of coffee and offered her money. "Medium Guruko."

Kiba pouted as he reached for her cash. "Ah, I thought for certain you would pick Akamaru. I'll go get your coffee, my lady."

Sakura smiled as she watched him enter the organized chaos. She jolted when the owner emerged from the back. Sakumo was as disheveled as always, silver hair falling in his eyes, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was wearing an apron like the rest of his employees, and he carried two large carafes of coffee. Sakura noticed his surgical mask firmly in place, hiding the name of his soulmate from public eyes. His team dutifully made room by carrying the spent containers to the back. Sakumo arched his eyebrow when he saw her, and Sakura felt her face bloom with a blush as she gave him a shy wave. He responded with his own salutation before vanishing to the back.

Sakura raised her hands to touch her burning cheeks. Dear lord, _what was that_?

Thankfully, Kiba returned to save her from wallowing in shame. "Coffee and receipt," he said.

"Thanks for your help," said Sakura with a smile. "You'll probably see me again soon."

Kiba gave her another wink. "I look forward to it."

Sakura laughed in response and followed the crowd out the exit door and into the street.

~O~

The Coffee Ninja became one of her regular stops. She enjoyed going there for several reasons. One was for its prime location; it was situated near some popular rail lines. The company wasn't too shabby either. Sakura had graduated from high school ahead of her peers, and she didn't have much contact with people her age. Before coming to The Coffee Ninja, the only people close to her were Ino and Naruto.

As much as she loved Naruto to bits, he was a bit oblivious when it came to normal social etiquette. He barreled right over what was considered polite with his forceful personality. Strangely, it made him ideal in Konoha's covert assignments. He was so cheerful that he was never regarded as a suspicious individual. Though Konoha issued mostly solo assignments, Sakura had partnered with Naruto a handful of times.

Once, they had infiltrated a resort town full of yakuza, who had arrived to spend the money they had swindled from a charity. Naruto had taken the assignment with a sort of cheerful ruthlessness that Sakura found unsettling. She delivered Tsuande's award winning drugs to keep their targets asleep. Naruto used the opportunity to rob their targets blind, taking everything from wallets to clothing. The next morning, their targets woke up poor, naked, and with a terrible headache they attributed to a hangover.

Sakura found the whole thing convoluted and ridiculous. But the mission ended up being five times more lucrative than any of the solo missions that Sakura had ever been assigned. Naruto's methods were right on the line between genius and madness. It was exhausting.

The Coffee Ninja was full of _normal_ people; she was next to students close to her age, who shared her studious nature of quiet intensity. She found kindred spirits in the employees who treated everyone with dry exasperation. Kiba had even introduced her to a couple of his friends. And on a really good day, she was treated to the sight of Sakumo working the front.

Two months after being introduced to The Coffee Ninja, Sakura found out it stretched way farther than a little crush and a taste for caffeine.

"Hello," said Sakura, as she waved to Karin who was behind the counter. The red-head barely gave her a glance, even as she handed Sakura a cup of her preferred blend. Sakura didn't take it personally. The only person Karin liked was Sasuke, and Sakumo never scheduled them together.

The Coffee Ninja was a bit quiet today. Sakura knew that most of the students had a break from school and were spending time with their families. There was only one person in the shop, a large man she recognized as Karin's friend. Sakura took a seat at a table that gave her a view of the counter.

Her heartbeat fluttered when she saw Sakumo emerge from the back. He gave her a nod in greeting. Sakura gave a flighty wave that he didn't see, thankfully, as he focused on his attention on Karin.

"You can go ahead and go. It looks like there isn't much going on today."

Karin didn't need any more coaxing than that. She was out the door of the coffee shop no less than two minutes later, taking her friend with her.

"It looks like it's just us," Sakumo said with an amused voice as he watched the Karin fly out the door. "Do you need anything back here?"

Sakura shook her head in the negative. She felt her heart rate accelerate as he untied his apron and hung it on hook on the back wall. Sakumo came from behind the counter with a laptop under his arm, making his way to one of seats. He picked the table over; close enough to be social, far enough to be polite.

Sakura was a highly trained operated that specialized in breaking kneecaps. It was silly to be acting as if she had never spoken to a man. Yet, there was something about Sakumo that set Sakura's body on high alert. Her mind reminded her once more of the stolen book in her apartment. She really ought to return it. Maybe her nerves were misplaced guilt?

"I can leave if you want," Sakura offered. She watched Sakumo open up the laptop he brought with him.

Sakumo shrugged. "I'm going to be here anyway. I can't delegate my own work to anyone else when I'm the owner."

"What made you decide to open a coffee shop?" Sakura was curious. Sakumo was a smattering of interests that made no sense to her analytical mind. He liked porn, but then again, he didn't. He was interested in botany, and had an obsession with puppies? She couldn't help but be fascinated.

"I had enough money to open a business, and I wanted something simple that had a high guarantee of being successful." Sakumo had his eyes trained on the screen in front of him. "Everyone loves coffee."

Sakura leaned forward in interest. "You had the money?"

"Ah, yes. Years of winnings in the sumo business."

Sakura snorted into her coffee and ended up coughing as it went down the wrong way. Sakumo was muscular, lean, and tall; sumo wrestler he was not. She dabbed at her blouse with a napkin.

"Liar." Much to Sakura's horror, there was just a tad too much affection in her delivery.

"Maaa... is it so hard to believe?" He looked up from his laptop at Sakura. She compensated for her earlier for her friendliness by giving him a hard glare. "I used to fly in Japan's Air Force. I was very good." Sakumo returned his attention to his laptop. "Maybe too good."

Sakura imagined him in a flight suit, next to a plane. His hair blowing gently from the wind, and a helmet tucked under his arm. He gave a salute to a faceless man next to him, and turned to climb into his plane. It was an awfully appealing image.

"Why did you leave?"

"Rumor was they wanted to promote me to General. It wasn't really my thing. I had to leave before it was a serious concern."

"General?" Sakura gaped at him. Was this another lie, like the sumo wrestler thing?

Sakumo shrugged at her. His fingers were flying across the keyboard. He clearly had most of his attention on his work, so Sakura took a moment to think it over. Would Sakumo be a good General? He was rather young to be considered for such a position. But, Sakumo had a successful business, and employees who adored him. He certainly had an even temperament. Sakura nodded to herself as she took another drink of her coffee. He _would_ have made a good General.

Oh, who was she kidding? She just knew that he would look good _**as**_ a General. Sakura loved a man in a uniform.

"And what about you?" Sakumo asked. "I can't be the only sharing today."

"I am a med student. I'm using this time to work on my residency."

Sakumo lifted his eyes from the laptop for the first time in their conversation to give her an appraising glance. "So young?"

She felt a stab of irritation. There he was again, evaluating her age with just a glance. "I graduated early."

"Ahhh... clever girl."

"I'm not a girl."

He crooked an eyebrow her direction.

"I'm a young woman," she said in a firm voice.

"My apologies."

The conversation died on the spot. Sakura knew it was her own fault; she was far too defensive about her age. Sakumo seemed the sort to only have conversation out of politeness. She struggled to find something to say. Her eyes drifted to the surgical mask and she thought of the soulmark hidden from view.

' _Hey, my name is Sakura. It sucks that we aren't soulmates because I think you're pretty hot.'_

On second thought, silence was great.

Luckily, she was saved a minute later by a text. Tsunade demanded her presence immediately.

"Thank you for the coffee. It's really good. Not that I should thank you. I paid for it. Uh... yeah." She nodded to herself as she picked up her purse.

"Enjoy your day," he responded. Sakumo didn't look up from his screen. Sakura cursed herself as she reached outside. As much as she like to judge Naruto for his mediocre social skills, hers weren't much better. She had a hard time having conversations when Ino wasn't around.

Sakura arrived at headquarters an hour later. She was ushered into Tsunade's office as soon she arrived.

"We have a problem." Tsunade turned on the screen to Sakura's right and pulled up a headshot of a man with red hair. "I took you off active duty, but this debriefing is necessary. We have received intel that you are being targeted."

"What?" Sakura felt her skin erupt in goosebumps.

"It turns out your assignment from a few months ago was part of a larger scheme. Orochimaru was actually a part of Akatsuki, a criminal organization that is trying to take control of the country's infrastructure. They are extremely dangerous, high profile, and wanted by more than one government agency. The man to your right is the one we are most concerned about." Tsunade slid the remote Sakura so she could look through the profile at her own pace.

"Sasori? No last name?"

"It's an alias that we haven't been able to link to anyone. There isn't even any information on his age; we have reports of him being in his early forties to a teenager."

Sakura flipped through the available photos. There were only two defining details: his hair was a striking red color, and his height. Sakura estimated that he wasn't much taller than her, which probably contributed to the assumptions of his young age. There were a few more faces besides Sasori; half a dozen in total. The information was sparse, nothing more than she would find on a passport. Konoha kept careful track of the information they provided their operatives. Sakura didn't have the full clearance for a profile, unlike Ino.

"Sasori is a hacker that specializes in computer programming. His debut was creating a virus which was unleashed on the internet, and had the ability to deleted unwanted bloatware. The general public downloaded the virus, and their devices were used to target corporations. Many people were happy with the virus, and they refused to have it patched.

"Akatsuki discovered that Orochimaru was last seen with a young woman dressed as a high school teenager. Rumor has it they want Sasori to create a facial recognition program so they can find you in the city."

Sakura blanched. "If they do that, there won't be any place for me to hide."

Tsunade's face was grim. "Hopefully, they won't be able to find a good camera angle of your face. We want to have you take up your doctor residency in another country as a precaution. Gather the essentials you need and make your way to the Yamanaka household. We will send someone to pack your non-essentials tomorrow to be placed into storage. Their home is large enough that you won't feel like an intruder. You will remain there for the week while we make suitable accommodations for you overseas."

"I understand."

"I'm sorry, Sakura."

Sakura left the office with her head swimming. She had been part of Konoha Covert Ops for almost eight years, five of them as an active operative. Somehow, she was still shocked that she might be someone's target. Even worse, she was supposed to be a civilian now. Sakura paused when she stepped outside, raising her phone to look at the screen. There was a text from one of Kiba's friends, a quiet girl by the name of Hinata. Sakura was a bit envious of Hinata's social graces.

"I look forward to seeing you tomorrow!"

Sakura's heart sank as she began to text back.

"Sorry. Something big came up. Tell you soon!"

She jammed her phone in her pocket and headed to the next rail connection. First thing she needed to do was pack a suitcase and then head to her old high school on the outskirts of the city. Sakura had stuffed an emergency kit in the theater, complete with a burner phone and change of clothes. It was in a great hiding spot, but Sakura shouldn't leave it there for years. She arrived at her apartment and headed straight for the closet to pull out her smallest suitcase. She was careful to mind which clothes she picked, choosing outfits that would be good for multiple situations.

Sakura went to her bookshelf and paused; she had space for one or two books. As her fingers ran over the spines, she caught sight of Sakumo's book. Gnawing at her lip, she pulled it off the shelf and read the inscription again. Sakumo's book had sentimental value. _Shit._

She needed to return it to him, or else he wouldn't get it back for years. Sakura tossed the _Icha Icha_ jacket cover in the trash and placed the book in her satchel. She would just have to have Ino return it to Sakumo at The Coffee Ninja, with an excuse. Glancing at the clock, she saw she still had enough time to head to her high school to retrieve her emergency kit before it became too late.

It was when she boarded the second connection that the problems began.

Her phone gave a beep as a text came in. She pulled it out to see it was from Hinata, telling her that she understood and would talk to her soon. Sakura sighed in disappointment. They were just getting to be real friends too. She went place her phone in her purse when someone pushed her from behind. The phone tumbled from her hand, and as soon as hit the ground, a foot bumped it, sending it skittering across the platform and into the gap below.

"Asshole!" Sakura said as she clutched her satchel. She whirled around to end up face-to-chest with a jacket. She only needed that phone for twenty-four more hours and she would have been in the clear. Looking up, Sakura felt her blood run cold as she recognized a face from the Akatsuki profile she saw hours ago.

The man was easily the tallest one on the platform. His spiked hair gave him additional height. Sakura felt her neck break out in a cold sweat. Kisame barely gave her a second glance before entering the railway compartment.

Sakura spent a brief moment deliberating. She could either follow or leave the platform. But she didn't have her phone anymore, and she had no way of calling anyone at Konoha to help her. If she followed her original plan of going to her old high school, she would be able to reach her emergency kit and call Tsunade. There was no way Akatsuki knew where she was going, so she wouldn't be heading into a trap.

She hoped.

Sakura made her way down the platform to a different rail car, in hopes of giving her some distance from Kisame. She gave a sweep of the cabin, looking at the passenger faces to see if there were any more threats. Her eyes paused on the familiar face of a woman, and Sakura crinkled her brow as she tried to place her face. It clicked into place when the baby in the woman's arms gave a whimper. It was the pregnant woman from a couple months ago that had accused Sakumo of being a pervert.

The rail gave a lurch as it departed the platform. Sakura twisted to look around another passenger to take stock of the rail car. She could see Sakumo's familiar silver hair peeking out from behind another book near the back of the cabin. Sakura felt her entire body grow warm with relief. She never found out if he really had been in the Air Force, but maybe, _just maybe_ , he'd be willing to help her out a little bit if she needed it.

She took a deep breath to tamp down the butterflies in her belly before she approached him.

"Were you really in the Air Force?" Sakura demanded when she reached his seat. Sakumo lowered his book.

"Yo. Long time no see."

"I need an answer," insisted Sakura.

"Manners," Sakumo chided.

"What the fuck is with you and manners on the train?"

A look of irritation crossed Sakumo's face and he went back to his book. It appeared whatever polite manner he had disappeared in the evening. Perhaps, he was a morning person?

"Please. I need help." She gave one of his feet a nudge, her ankle brushing slightly against his.

"Clearly."

Sakumo had to have heard of Konoha if he truly had been up for General. Maybe he still had a contact or two. According to the information Tsunade had given her this morning, Akatsuki wasn't even supposed to be in the city. The only person whose presence was confirmed was Sasori.

The platform slowed. Sakura heard the doors open and she watched the people climb onto the rail out of the corner of her eye.

 _ **Shit.**_

She recognized one of them. He was a blond man with a careless smirk who was suspected of infiltrating the art community. He had managed to secure a grant, and rumor had it that he actually molded his sculptures with C4. First Kisame, and now Deidara?

Not good.

Desperate times called for desperate measures, and Sakura slipped into operative mode. She looked at Sakumo once more and eyed the surgical mask which hid his soulmark. Sakura hated to exploit him, but she had to use all available resources. Sakura stubbornly squashed down her guilt.

"My name is Sakura. I have two men chasing me. Can you help me?"

* * *

A/N: I am so fucking proud of that chapter title. What other tropes will I cram in here? You are more than welcome to guess. ;D

* * *

 **NEXT CHAPTER:** Fisticuffs and Handcuffs

 _"You want compliments? Fine! Your tea is delicious, and I think you are too!"_


	2. Fisticuffs and Handcuffs

**EDIT: I HAD TO DELETE AND RE-UPLOAD THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE IT WAS BEING WEIRD. SORRY, IF THERE WAS ANY CONFUSION!**

 **Previously on EBTKS:**

Sakura failed to recognize Kakashi as her soulmate thanks to the Mistaken Identity Trope. Then, her quiet Slice of Life was rudely interrupted by her past as a former spy! Will Sakura's Beloved Barista expresso his feelings to her or leave her dis-stain?

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWO**

 **FISTICUFFS AND HANDCUFFS**

Sakumo froze the moment Sakura spoke her name. He lowered his _Icha Icha_ novel, and gave her an intense stare. "Sakura...?" He said her name carefully, rolling the syllables around his mouth as if he had never heard it before.

"Blond man in the corner. Large, black coat. He's following me. And I lost my cell phone."

Sakura knelt down next to Sakumo's bag on the floor. She made a show of adjusting her knee high socks to avoid eye contact with him. Her fingers brushed along the scalpel she kept strapped to her thigh.

"Do you need to borrow my phone?"

Sakura winced. "I don't know the numbers of anyone I need to call."

"Police, then?"

"No cops!" Sakura hissed in a low voice and slid Sakumo's bag away from him as he reached for it. "The man has people everywhere, including the police. I won't be safe with them." She looked up at him once more to see his eyes narrowed as he evaluated her. Sakura did her best to put on her most innocent face.

"Please. I just need someplace to hide out for a little bit. I freaked out when I saw him and took the next train to get away. But I don't know anyone on this side of town—well, no one but you." Sakura gave Sakumo a dazzling smile, the one which had lured targets into spilling their guts in the past. Much to her disappointment, he seemed unaffected.

 _Dammit_ , why was he like that?

Even when Sakura was at her most charming, he never seemed anything by politely patient with her. She might have thought something was wrong with her skills if it weren't for her amazing success rate—well, success with anyone other than him.

The train came to a stop. "I get off the railway five exits from now," Sakumo said in an even voice, as if he was talking about the weather. He raised his copy of _Icha Icha_ back up to his face. "You're welcome to follow me."

"Thank you." Sakura looked out of the corner of her eye towards the window to her right. She could see the reflection of the man's blond hair. It wasn't a clear view, but at least she knew his position.

Sakumo snorted as he caught her furtive glances. "You said you were a med student."

"Not here," she murmured, as she stood up.

Sakumo didn't say anything else, flipping a page of his book as he returned his attention to his story once more. Sakura took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. Tsunade would not be pleased that she pulled a civilian into this mess with Akatsuki. Konoha operated on the edge of what was considered legal; as long as they didn't leave piles of bodies everywhere, they were ignored. However, seeing as Tsunade wanted to send her out of the country because of the high-risk situation, Sakura was willing to bend a few rules.

Sakumo tucked his bag under his arm as the rail slowed to a stop. He slipped into the crowd so seamlessly, Sakura would have missed his departure if she wasn't looking for it. She waited until the last moment to follow him, darting past the doors as they came to a close. Deidara failed to notice her exit; she could see him searching the rail compartment as the train pulled away.

Sakumo hadn't bothered to wait, but he was tall enough to stand out amidst the crowd. He was moving languidly away from her, the streetlight reflecting off of his silver hair. Sakura chewed on her lip as she was hit with the sudden urge to wrap her arms around him. She trotted to his side and indulged her desire by giving his right arm a gentle squeeze once she reached him.

"Thank you so much. I don't think you know how much I appreciate this." Sakura looked up at him, trying to ignore the giddy rush of pleasure she felt as she noticed their height difference. "Do you live far away?"

"No, not too much," Sakumo replied.

They passed a string of businesses, the smell of food wafting out from opened doors along with the cheerful conversations of the patrons inside. The roads were narrow; Sakura noticed most of the residents favored bicycles for travel. They were well outside the city limits now. They walked for ten minutes before they entered the residential neighborhood; the homes had large gates which guarded even larger yards. Sakumo nudged her with his elbow as he paused at his residence. He opened the gate and led her down the small walkway to the entrance. The comfortable silence was shattered by a dozen barks as soon as Sakumo opened the front door.

He clicked his tongue in a peculiar fashion, and Sakura toppled over as a large bulldog leapt into her arms. The dog slobbered all over her, and settling his weight on Sakura's chest; he laid his head on her shoulder, his wet nose pressing against her chin.

Sakura squirmed. "Off, please?" She craned her neck to look for Sakumo, but he was no longer in her line of sight. Sakura could hear him though; she caught the sound of his Icha Icha book hitting a table.

"You have a lot of explaining to do _, Sakura_." There was something slightly mocking in the way Sakumo said her name that caused her body to tense. "And until you explain, Bull will make himself comfortable where he is now."

Sakura grimaced has she caught another whiff of dog breath. "I don't know what you mean," she replied in her most innocent voice.

"I knew your face was familiar." He came back into her line of sight to lean against the doorframe. The other dogs lined up at his feet.

"Of course I'm familiar! I've been going to The Coffee Ninja for _weeks_."

Sakumo scoffed. "Nice try. _You_ were the girl that dressed up like a high schooler, who stole my book on the rail a few months ago."

Sakura felt her mouth go dry. _This man_ … " _How_... how did you know?"

"You knew my soulmate's name—used _it_ to use _me_ ," Sakumo snarled, " _you_ are the only person in _years_ who has seen my soulmark. I don't know what game you're playing, but if I don't get a full explanation right now, I _will_ have Bull bite your face."

As if he understood his owner, the enormous dog began to growl, his hot breath blowing away some strands of hair that clung to Sakura's neck. However, Sakumo's anger was more concerning; she felt her chest grow tight in a way that was unrelated to Bull's weight.

"I work for Konoha." _Tsunade was going to kill her for this_. "Have you heard of it?"

Sakumo crossed his arms. "It's been years since I've heard of it, but you can continue."

"I'm not lying about being a medical student. I was recruited about eight years ago, but I haven't been on active assignments for months. My primary task is completing my residency." Sakura wriggled underneath Bull. "Look. I'm sure you are very nice and mean well, but this information is classified and you are no longer—"

"I wasn't making a request. No info. No help." The dogs around Sakura began to growl in unison as Sakumo gave them some sort of silent signal. Sakura's stomach pooled with fear; she imagined this was what it felt like to be placed in front of a firing squad.

"I don't have the authorization. _Please._ All I need is a little bit of help and a hiding place and—"

"No info. No help." Sakumo's voice had lowered into something dark and dangerous, far from the polite barista she knew. Everything was in Sakumo's favor; she was in his house, pinned to the floor by his dogs. The only advantage Sakura held was the scalpel tucked underneath her stocking.

"What do you know about Konoha?" Sakura relented begrudgingly. Ino was the one who worked in information gathering. Compared to her, Sakura hardly knew anything that could be of use.

"Retired military," Sakumo responded in a clipped tone. "I am well aware of how intelligence gathering works."

"The individual pursuing me is part of an organization which is purchasing major infrastructure in the city through legal means, despite their unsavory reputations."

"And how did you become the object of their affections?"

"I targeted one of their contacts."

Sakumo raised a hand to his chin in contemplation. "Was it the warehouse fire off of Amaterasu Lane?"

Sakura sputtered. _Fuck this guy._ "That's classified!"

"I _knew_ there was something suspicious about that fire." He clicked his tongue, and the bulldog withdrew from Sakura's chest. "Tea?"

Sakura massaged a hand against her chest where the dog's weight had rested. "That would be nice."

Sakumo motioned towards the room to her left before he disappeared down the hall. The small army of dogs followed him, quite content to ignore Sakura in favor of their master. Sakura scowled as she watched Sakumo walk away, keeping her eyes firmly above his waist. Asshole didn't deserve an ogling, no matter how toned his butt was.

She settled into the seat closest to the window, tucking her feet to the side so she could have easy access to the scalpel. Sakura appraised her surroundings, taking note of the minimal decor and the carefully arranged seating. Much to her dismay, it appeared that Sakumo was a rather plain man, keeping all the intrigue and mystery to his persona. The only thing that stuck out to her was the copy of _Icha Icha Violence._ It had been tossed on a coffee table to her left.

Curious, Sakura reached for it, eager to see what was underneath the cover. To her horror, this time it _was_ an edition of _Icha Icha._

"Interested?"

Sakura dropped the book if she had been burned. Sakumo emerged from the back, carrying a tea tray, and raised an eyebrow when he saw her flushed face.

 _"THAT'S PORN!"_ She jabbed a finger at the offending book. One of the dogs around Sakumo gave a whine at her high voice. The smallest—pug—climbed onto the seat next to Sakura on the sofa.

"Yes. I find it difficult to believe a covert spy such as you has not been exposed to any nudity before today." Sakura had never witnessed anyone pass a cup of tea in smug before, but Sakumo—the bastard—managed it.

"Of course I have! But your other book only had the _Icha Icha_ flap jacket." Sakura took a sip of her tea, and scowled. The tea was perfect, of course.

Sakumo crossed his legs, twirling a spoon so it clinked against the edges of the cup. "I find it interesting that you spent all of those months in my coffee shop, yet you didn't return my book."

"I was undercover and—"

"You were rude. Again."

"I'm not always rude!"

"Then give me a compliment. No. Give me two." Sakumo tapped a finger against his chin. "One for taking my book—and one—for lying."

Sakura bristled under his condescending tone. "You want compliments? Fine!Your tea is delicious, and I think you are too!"

 _FUCK_

A dog sneezed.

 _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_

"I didn't mean that."

"Oh?" Sakumo's eyes curved shut as he smiled at her for the first time. Sakura's stomach did a tumultuous flip that caused her to set her tea down in fear of dropping it.

"It doesn't matter. You aren't my soulmate." Sakura found herself turning away to hide her burning face. "The name on my ankle doesn't match up with yours."

He hummed as he raised the cup to his lips. "So, how do you contact Konoha?"

"I have an emergency kit in the city with a burner phone. I just need to spend the night here, and then I can retrieve it in the morning." Sakura turned to him once more, grateful they were back to talking business.

Sakumo placed his tea cup on the table and appraised Sakura. She meant his gaze without flinching. If he thought his glare would intimidate her, he was sorely mistaken. Tsunade had beaten the timid out of Sakura a long time ago.

"You're a very pretty girl, but quite frankly, you are far more trouble than you worth. It's not a good enough reason for me to be entangled in this situation. I'd rather call one of my old contacts to handle you."

Sakura resisted the urge to kick Sakumo in the stomach. He was constantly evaluating Sakura on her appearance. And she didn't need _handling_ like some sort of amateur.

"Well, if it bothers you so much, why did you invite me here?" she snapped at him. Pakkun gave an adorable growl next to her.

"You used my soulmate's name." The atmosphere turned frosty again.

Sakura winced as she was reminded that Sakumo wasn't the only asshole in the room. He might be a judgmental jerk that evaluated everyone's worth on their looks, but she had invaded his privacy. She needed to make amends for part of it.

"I was planning on returning your book. I even have it with me." Sakura reached for her purse to retrieve his book and handed it over. "I don't know if it means anything coming from me, but I thought it was beautiful." Sakura felt a twinge of guilt when she saw how reverently Sakumo took the book out of her hands.

He ran his fingers over the book spine before sighing.

"You can rest on the sofa for tonight. If anyone approaches, the pack will let us know." He gave a pat to the Shiba Inu that was at his feet. There were eight dogs in total, a variety of mixes that sat dutifully around him. Sakura recognized them from portraits that hung on the walls of The Coffee Ninja.

"Which one is Pakkun?" Sakura asked.

"The pug." He pointed to small dog next to Sakura. The other seven dogs were relaxed, but the pug was the exception; he continued to stare at Sakura with mistrustful eyes. Pakkun's trust was not so easily won.

"He's bossy, isn't he?" Sakura offered her hand for Pakkun to sniff, but the dog didn't budge.

"It appears the two of you have something in common." Sakumo ran a hand through his hair. "How about we just call it a night? I'll go with you to fetch your things first thing tomorrow morning. I don't ever want to see you at my coffee shop again."

Sakura was due to leave the country, and knew that she wouldn't be able to return. However, Sakumo's words caused her heart to plummet. She felt her face flush, that damning reaction which only ever happened in his presence. "I did like your coffee. That wasn't... you weren't part of my cover."

"I have some blankets in a closet," he said, pointedly ignoring her. "Do you need a shirt?"

Sakura shook her head. "No, that's not necessary."

"Very well. Bathroom is down the hall and to the right if you need it. I'll get some blankets, and for the love of all that's holy, don't sneak out on me. I know you are probably far more capable than I can imagine seeing as you work for Konoha—but you owe me that much."

"Okay."

Sakumo retreated to the back of his home again, Pakkun in tow. Sakura retrieved the fallen _Icha Icha_ book, placing it back on the coffee table, resisting the urge to look at it some more. He brought her some blankets and a toothbrush. A few minutes later, she was lying down on the couch, the sound of snuffling dogs at her ears.

The feelings which Sakura had squashed down could no longer be ignored, and now it was the only thing she could think about.

Most of the men Sakura worked with seemed cut from the same cloth; Sakura found them boring—but Sakumo was the exception. It wasn't fair; Sakura clung onto every word he spoke, and he only felt annoyance towards her. She had tricked a fair amount of men with her coquettish smile and a flutter of her lashes. Yet, Sakumo seemed impervious to her flirting despite his addiction to porn. The one proper conversation she had with him was earlier that day. It was only small talk, but showed that the two of them could get along without sniping at each other. The other conversations were filled with mind games, and they irritated one another because they were both too smart to fall for it. If it weren't for his constant presence in The Coffee Ninja, she would have thought he was an operative too. Sakumo was perplexing, interesting, and attractive in more ways than one.

Yet, he wasn't her soulmate. Sakura was just the jealous bitch who would never see him again by the end of the week.

Sakura punched her pillow, shut her eyes, and willed herself to sleep.

~O~

Sakura wasn't certain how long it had been before she was awoken by a low growl. She shot up from her place on the sofa, blinking as she tried to make out the room in the dark. She could see Sakumo's silhouette by the chair, and she tossed off the blanket to approach him. He reached for her arm to pull her down next to him.

"I don't know how they found you, but they are outside right now." Sakumo had a shotgun his other hand.

"No guns." Sakura pressed close to his side as she tried to take it away. "I know it's bad, but we can't drop bodies in covert ops. We need them for information."

He gave her shoulder a reassuring pat. "Don't worry, it's full of tranquilizers. I have so many dogs that my neighbors were nervous. One shot from this can knock Bull out in five seconds. I have four, so it should be enough—if we're lucky."

"Oh." She wiggled to the side to give him room to aim. "Never mind then."

She caught his noise of amusement before the door was blasted open.

"I know you're in here, so you might as well come on out!"

Sakura and Sakumo remained crouched by the chair. As soon as a figure emerged from around the entryway, Sakumo raised the tranquilizer gun and fired. She heard the intruder utter an ugly swear before he toppled over.

Sakura crept to the side, keeping her body close to the ground as she peeked around the corner. Her fingers were tucked into the top of her knee-high socks, ready to withdraw the scalpel and send it flying. When she didn't spot anyone, she stood, only to be nearly run over as the pack of dogs were sent out.

She heard people yelling. _How many of them were there?_

"I can handle a pair of intruders on my own," Sakumo said as he signaled for her to follow. For once, Sakura was grateful for his bizarre ability to read her mind. "The pack must have caught three or more scents."

They exited the front door, passing the pair of intruders struggling against the dogs. Sakumo hit them both with tranquilizers.

"The explosion will bring in people soon enough. Let's get you out of here." They crossed the yard and paused at the gate to take a look around. "I know someone a few streets down where we can hide you. He has a vehicle, so we'll be able to drive you into the city in the morning."

"I like this plan," Sakura replied, more than content to let Sakumo take the lead. It was a novel feeling; Naruto—her only other mission partner—wasn't one to take control. His genius was attributed to his unusual thinking, but it made for rubbish planning. Sakura matched Sakumo's gait as he broke out in a jog.

They rounded the corner, only to find a van waiting for them. Sakura had a brief moment to appreciate the sight of Sakumo using the last tranquilizer before she was knocked unconscious from behind.

~O~

Sakura woke up with her entire body feeling sluggish, head pounding, and a mouth so dry she thought Tsunade had forced her into another drinking competition.

"Are you back with me?" Sakumo's voice was low, but there was a note of bitterness that Sakura didn't like. Even with her head doing the samba, she knew he blamed her for their current situation.

Sakura wrenched her eyes open, barely seeing him in the unlit room. He was leaning against the wall a few feet away.

"Where are we?" she croaked.

"This is a shed of some sort, but I don't know how far out they drove us. They knocked you unconscious with some sort of drug and blindfolded me. One of our kidnappers said there was a microphone in the corner of the room, so they are monitoring us for some strange reason. This is my reward for helping you with the strange man following you." Sakumo sighed. "This is why people are the _worst_."

Sakura had no response to that. She was twenty-four, and Konoha Covert Ops made her jaded towards humanity. She had such a difficult time socializing, and romance was a foreign concept thanks to the soulmark on her ankle. She wriggled up into a seated position against a stack of fertilizer bags. Feeling something jabbing at her back, Sakura reached between the bags to wrench out a jug of pesticide.

Sakura placed the pesticide to her left, leaning back against the fertilizer. Lowering her hand down to her calf, she noticed that the scalpel was still hidden under her sock. It was strange they had not searched her before placing her in captivity.

The door swung open, letting in light from the adjacent room. A large man with an imposing figure stood in the doorway. The distinctive tattoos running down his arm gave a monstrous appearance—as if he had been sewn together.

A chill ran down Sakura's spine when she recognized him; Kakuzu was an international criminal who had warrants out for his capture longer than she had been alive. Tsunade would have mentioned him if she had knowledge of his connection to Akatsuki, but he had been absent from the profile. Things were looking grim; a man like Kakuzu didn't stay free by making careless mistakes. He was also armed, pointing a gun in Sakumo's direction.

"Hatake, it is so nice to see you again."

"Well, I would say the same to you, but the last time we had the pleasure of being the same room, I could have _sworn_ I had the pleasure of shooting you in the chest."

The surgical mask which normally covered Sakumo's face was missing, and Sakura's heart skipped a beat as she saw her name along his jawline.

"Move out of my way, bastard." A man pushed Kakuzu to the side to enter the room. "I get dibs on the fucker."

Sakumo sighed with a sort of restless impatience. "Not you too."

"Yeah, me too!" The man pointed a finger in Sakumo's direction. " _You asshole!_ You think it's that easy to take care of Hidan? I swear to Jashin I am going to make you feel so much pain that—"

"Careful, Hidan. We need him alive. For _now_."

Sakura stared at her captors in shock. They were tracking _Sakumo?_ Sakura recognizing Kisame at the railway station was a coincidence linked to her companion. And Sakumo wasn't even alarmed by their predicament! Sakura could see the full range of his expressions with the surgical mask gone. He looked downright bored—despite their current dilemma, and the international criminal pointing a gun at his face. His calm demeanor helped Sakura gain confidence that not all was lost. Her gaze swept the room as she planned the next course of action, trusting that Sakumo would work with her. This new revelation also explained why she was still had her scalpel.

"And who do we have here?" Hidan approached her like a cat that spied a small rodent. "She's real cute."

Sakura took advantage of their ignorance, and threw herself into the role of a civilian.

Sakura reached deep inside her memories to summon an experience that would help her fool their captors. A couple years ago, Ino had invited Naruto to a club opening, and he purchased a bright, orange suit for the occasion. The tears poured from Sakura's eyes as she remembered the blinding glare of his booty shake.

 _Oh yeah, that was the stuff._

"Please, let me go. I don't know what's going on. I promise, I won't say anything. I promise. Please!"

"What is your name?" Hidan walked right up to her, placing a hand under her chin so they were eye to eye. Sakura resisted the urge to jam her scalpel his carotid artery. Kakuzu still had his gun pointed at Sakumo; they wouldn't make it if she was reckless.

"I barely even know her. She's not really important," Sakumo responded. "Her name is Tsume, if you really want to know."

Sakura bit her tongue when she recognized the name of Kiba's mother. A noise of laughter escaped: Sakura hastily covered it up by turning it into a sob.

Hidan let go of Sakura's chin and walked back to Kakuzu. The smirk that graced his face was the first sign that he was just as dangerous as his partner. Hidan might not have had a gun in his hand, but Sakura knew she couldn't underestimate him either.

"Do you _really_ expect us to believe that she's not important to you?" Kakuzu asked. "Especially after what happened to the girl in our _last_ meeting?"

Sakumo shrugged. "You saw right through me, Kakuzu. I should know better than to try to fool you. This girl is actually a secret operative, and has the skill to cripple you in one move."

 _"Fuck you, Hatake!"_

Kakuzu held his partner back with an arm. "Don't worry, Hatake. The girl is safe because it suits us. Having her around will make you more _talkative_."

Sakura would have been terrified by Kakuzu's statement if she hadn't made a living manipulating perverts. Though, it still made her skin crawl.

"What do you need from me?" Sakumo asked evenly. Sakura was impressed by how well he was holding it together.

Kakuzu chuckled. "You're so arrogant, Hatake. This isn't about you; you're the bait for the trap we need to spring. Once we have who we need…" He trailed off.

 _"YOU'LL BE DEAD, MOTHERFUCKER!"_

"I think he understood."

Hidan crossed his arms. "I've been waiting to say that to him for _ten years_. You aren't going to spoil my fun."

"Now, I remember that stunt you pulled in Mumbai, so let's have a little insurance this time. Kakuzu's words prompted a vicious smile on Hidan's lips, and revealed a pair of handcuffs. "It is going to be a hell of a lot harder for you to get out with some useless high schooler clinging on your wrist like that. Hidan, put these on our guests. Girl, get over there."

Sakumo held out his left wrist as they both approached.

Hidan frowned at Sakumo. "Tch. I'm not stupid. I know you're right handed." He rubbed at a phantom wound on his left side, and then secured one cuff to Sakura's left hand. "Give me your right," Hidan demanded to Sakumo.

Sakura's partner reluctantly raised his dominate hand, only complying when Kakuzu made a show of his gun. They left moments later, leaving a single bottle of water behind for Sakura.

"Nice friends," Sakura whispered, as she cracked the bottle open. Sakumo knew as well as she did that there was a short window in which they could escape. Soon, the hunger and fatigue would set in; their kidnappers could also get reinforcements. She had no idea how many were caught by the police when they had been taken. Sakura shivered. "How are we going to get out of here?"

"We're not," Sakumo said in a dull voice. "They have us handcuffed, trapped, kidnapped, and weaponless in the middle of nowhere. Even if we could come up with plan to get out of here, they set up a microphone that can hear us, so..." He gave a vague wave to a corner of the room, tugging her left hand with him.

Sakura gave him an angry glare, one that was ineffectual in the darkness. So, she elbowed him in the side to get his attention. When he put his hand down, she scooted closer to him, placing her head on his shoulder. Sakura turned the hand cuffed to her own so it was palms up, placed hers on top, and began to tap with her thumb.

 _Morse Code?_

She waited.

 _Yes._

Sakura smiled into Sakumo's shoulder when he gave her hand a squeeze. She took another drink of water, and began to tap.

 _I have a plan._

~O~

A couple of hours later, their captors returned. Sakura gripped the sleeve of her sweater, and kept her left arm tucked against her side.

"Oh, look at the two, little lovebirds. I hope you enjoyed it, because it's time to say goodbye. We need to move to a more permanent location." Hidan held up a pair of burlap sacks to toss over their heads. Just as they suspected, Hidan approached Sakumo first, and Kakuzu stayed back with the gun aimed their way.

Sakumo said nothing as the sack was slipped over his head; Sakura let out sob when it was her turn. Hidan laughed.

"Come on, Hatake," he said. Sakura could hear him move to Sakumo's left side. "Kakuzu has the gun pointed at your girl if you try anything funny."

Sakura felt Kakuzu's enormous hand rest on her shoulder; she gave Sakumo the signal by elbowing his side. They both ducked down in unison, Sakumo reaching over with his left hand to tear the burlap sack from Sakura's head as they crouched on the floor. Placing her weight on her right hand, Sakura gave a high kick at Kakuzu's wrist which aimed the gun in her direction. The pistol clattered across the floor and misfired, the gunshot capturing both of their captors' attention.

Sakumo removed the burlap sack from his head, and then smoothly twisted his body to the side to avoid a punch from Hidan.

Attempting to retrieve the weapon, Kakuzu was unable to avoid Sakura's body tackle. She threw her weight at him shoulder first, hitting him just above the waist. Kakuzu swore as he fell down, Sakura pouncing on his chest. The handcuffs forced Sakumo to crouch above her, his eyes locked on the doorway where Hidan disappeared.

Sakura relaxed the grip on her left sleeve, allowing the water bottle tucked inside fell in her hand. She forced Kakuzu's eyes open with her right hand, and then dumped the pesticide on them.

" _AAARRGHA!"_

The chemicals burned Kakuzu eyes, causing him to thrash and claw at his face. Sakura grunted as his elbow connected with her chin.

Sakumo helped her up as she blinked away the spots in her eyes.

"You fuckers aren't getting away!" Hidan emerged with a sickle in his hand. He swung it in frenzy, pushing the two of them away from the gun on the floor.

Sakumo leapt the side. The sickle came down to catch at their handcuffed wrists, the blade digging into Sakumo's arm. He was forced down and they both yelped as the handcuffs dug into their skin.

Snarling, Sakura jumped, cartwheeling over the sickle to land her hands on Sakumo's shoulder. She used him as a springboard; her feet snapped together to dropkick Hidan in the face.

Her feet connected, Hidan's body yielding satisfactorily under the force of her kick.

"Go! Go!" she prompted as Sakumo worked on untangling them from the sickle. They escaped from their cell to enter the main room of the barn. Rusted farming equipment was strewn about; Sakumo grabbed a shovel, jamming it across the door to secure their captors. They ran towards the exit, passing a table with a set of keys and another gun. Sakura swiped the items as they ran by. They could hear Hidan shouting, making use of the surveillance microphone to call for back-up.

Sakura's hands hit the buttons on the car keys as soon as they stepped outside. She could see the van used to kidnap them, along with a small non-descript sedan. The sedan gave a beep even as Sakumo headed towards the van.

"Tires," he grunted before she could speak.

Catching on, Sakura yanked her sock down to reveal her scalpel. "I'm driving."

"Perfect. I wanted to aim." Sakumo took the gun out of her hand.

Sakura gave a sharp jab to a back tire, the air hissing as it was released. She pulled Sakumo to the driver's front tire to repeat the action. With that out of the way, Sakumo slipped into the car feet first, Sakura not far behind.

Sakura jammed the key in the ignition. " _Fuck._ We didn't get a phone."

"The cell reception is poor this far out from the city." Sakumo reached across her to lower the driver's window on the left, half of his body pressed against her side.

Sakura wasted no time placing the car in reverse as another figure rounded the corner of the barn to their right. She fiddled with the headlights as Sakumo raised his left arm, which blocked her line of vision. He fired the gun, the shot ringing loudly in Sakura's ears. The headlights came on just in time to see a stranger collapse.

"Haven't done that in a while," Sakumo muttered.

They tore out of the lot, heading for the main street. Sakumo worked on adjusting himself into a better sitting position. Sakura mourned the immediate loss of body heat. The tension in the air lifted as they swung onto the main road. It was Sakumo who spoke first.

"I can't believe that worked."

"I told you, I'm pre-med. I know my chemical burns. You were great too. If I had to choose anyone to be handcuff to, I would say you are in my top five." Sakura gave her left wrist a light shake to rattle the handcuffs.

"Thanks," Sakumo replied dryly.

Sakura smiled in the darkness. "I was sincere, you jerk. I've had this happen before; that experience, _oh god,_ I don't even know where to begin."

"Oh? Now you have me interested."

Sakura's smile widened at the memory. "Most of my assignments were solo, but every now and then I would be sent with a partner. His plan went awry; we were caught, and placed in a room. Then we had to escape by using the air vents." A giggle escaped her lips. "It's funny now, but at the time, it was the most awkward thing. He's like a brother to me, and I felt way too much, you know?"

A few cars passed, their headlights shining into the compartment, so Sakura could see Sakumo's face; his full attention was zeroed in on her. She bit her lip, then looked back to the road. _He wasn't her soulmate._

"And the worst thing is, our plan didn't even work. Our combined weight was too much, and we fell through the ceiling. The only reason we managed to escape was because we landed on the man that had the keys."

Sakumo massaged his wrist where the handcuff dug at his skin. "Is this what your life is like all the time?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your life sounds like a cliché-filled movie. You escape through vents, are handcuffed by international criminals, and bring trouble for innocent civilians such as myself."

" _What?!_ It was _you_ they were after! What happened in Mumbai that made them want to hunt you down?"

"I'm afraid it's top secret information that I don't have the clearance to divulge," Sakumo replied. "What _**is**_ your real name, anyway? Or is that top secret information that I don't have clearance to know?" There was a slightly teasing deliver to his question that made Sakura's lips curl in an unbidden smile, her insides bubbling as if she had drunk a glass of champagne.

 _ **He wasn't her soulmate.**_

Sakura's sudden case of sobriety immediately dampened her smile. "It really _**is**_ Sakura. My parents took one look at my hair color, and that was my name."

Sakura clenched her hand against the steering wheel. It was unfair, how well she worked with Sakumo. Perhaps she should tell him more? She was leaving the country anyway. As soon as they returned to the city, Tsunade was likely to ensure she would never see Sakumo again.

"We're being followed." Sakumo's statement drew Sakura away from her thoughts.

Sakura's eyes darted to the rearview mirror. Sure enough, she could make out the faint silhouette of a car driving with the headlights off. She stepped on the gas to accelerate. The car behind them dropped all pretense of stealth and roared to life. The mystery car's headlights snapped on, and the engine roared.

"Have you ever been in a car shoot out before?" Sakumo twisted in his seat as Sakura relaxed her left hand to give him some flexibility.

"No"—Sakura gripped the steering wheel tighter—"but I've practiced driving in one."

"I supposed there is first time for everything, let's see if it works out. We have two cars chasing us." He took careful aim with the gun. The first pop was right in Sakura's ears, making them ring. The back window shattered, restricting Sakura's view.

"Asshole!" Sakura shook her head, trying to rid her head of the noise.

"Sorry." Sakura could barely hear his voice thanks to her temporary deafening. The driver behind them took the challenge with gusto; the sounds of gunshots filled the air. One of the bullets whizzed past them and embedded into the dashboard.

Not willing to be a sitting duck, Sakura swerved, sending the vehicle off to the side, and then slammed on the brakes. She didn't even have to give Sakumo any warning; he kept his left arm in controlled movement as he fired another shot behind her.

This time, his aim was true as their assailant's radiator began to steam, forcing the car to call off the chase.

Sakura stepped on the gas again as the second car started firing wildly. She could feel the wind whip around them as the back window fell apart due to the assault of bullets. Sakumo swore next to her.

"He's not aiming."

"I bet I know who that is." Sure enough, she could see Dierdra's blond hair from behind the steering wheel. "He likes to blow everything up."

Sakumo took careful aim again. It hit, but it wasn't enough to stop the car following them. "I only have two left."

Sakura groaned. "I have an idea. Do you trust me?"

"Of course, what do you need from me?"

Despite the tension, Sakura felt her cheeks warm by his complete trust. It made her next action easier.

"Brace yourself, Sakumo."

" _What?!"_

Sakura spun the steering wheel, rotating the vehicle to hit their pursuers. She wrapped her arms around Sakumo's head to protect him, before the force of the collision threw her against the front window.

She was knocked unconscious again, leaving Kakashi reeling in more ways than one.

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Holy cow, you guys! I'm floored by the response to this story. Ninety alerts? It took six months for A Marriage Inconvenienced to get that sort of response. I hope this lived up to your expectations.

I NEED to mention my wonderful beta, purple-possibilites aka ivegotpurple. She makes this story coherent for all of you.

* * *

 **Chapter Three:** The Born Identity

 _Kakashi believed in the benefits that came with a life of simple living—_ however _—Yamato needed to learn that full-sized towels were a luxury **all** could afford._


	3. The Born Identity

**AN: *throws chapter in your face* We now return to _Icha Icha Kidnapping_**

* * *

 **CHAPTER THREE**

 **THE BORN IDENTITY**

 _When Kakashi's soulmark appeared at eighteen, it only confirmed his bad luck. Six hours later, he boarded his flight out of Japan. It would be over a decade before he was in the country long enough to merit owning his own residence._

* * *

Kakashi's first impression of Sakura was summed up in a series of epithets muttered under his breath. Her theft of one of his father's prized possessions was a bitter pill to swallow. Kakashi hadn't gotten along with his father as a child; it wasn't until he was older that he truly appreciated their relationship. The book was one of the few things Kakashi had that hadn't been lost or sold.

Kakashi's second impression was formed in the coffee shop; he was amused by Sakura's naivety. He wasn't blind to her frequent blushes, nor to the slightly invasive questions she asked when they were alone in his coffee shop. For some reason, he found it endearing, much like Akino's habit of playing hide-and-seek with his water bowl.

When Kakashi realized that those two impressions were of the same person, he was furious. He did an acceptable job of hiding his anger from her, but he could feel the soulmark along his jaw burn the skin beneath it, pulsing in tune with the fury inside of him.

* * *

 _Kakashi assumed his soulmate would be a veterinarian. He owned eight dogs, and each one was assigned a different vet to better his odds of finding his soulmate. He would never admit it out loud; he never admitted it to himself._

* * *

After his unexpected kidnapping, Kakashi was exasperated, annoyed, and a whole host of other negative emotions. He didn't even _like_ people. Then Hidan and Kakuzu walked in, bringing with them the weighty memories Kakashi struggled to bury even to this day.

Kakashi really hated that mission to Mumbai. Even a decade later, the assignment still had repercussions. Sure, he ended up with multiple commendations, a promotion, and a transfer. The cost of his partner's life wasn't worth it.

* * *

 _At age thirteen, Kakashi had announced to his guardian that he was going to join the military, so he wouldn't have to live in the huge shadow of his father_. _No one questioned him._

* * *

As he had struggled to move beyond the decade-old memories, Sakura went ahead and took control of the situation. And then she literally turned his entire life upside-down with a twist of the steering wheel, and the mutter of his father's name.

" _Brace yourself, Sakumo."_

The car spiraled out of control, half of his body twisting with the force of the crash; a part of him was kept safe, his head cradled by her body as she took to brunt of the collision. Kakashi could hear the metal twisting around them as the pursuing car collided with their own; through the cacophony was the thud of Sakura's body hitting the window shield.

Kakashi's long dormant skills kicked into high gear the moment the vehicle came to a standstill. He saw the headlights of the other car drop as it slid off the road and down a small hill.

Kakashi tugged at Sakura to pull her from the vehicle. Sakura had taken several hard hits to her head this night, and two concussions in such a short period of time were bound to have side-effects. Kakashi didn't want to move her at all, but their hazardous situation required further investigation, and he couldn't investigate on his own since they were still handcuffed together.

It was difficult to emerge from the car wreckage. Sakura was all muscle, deceptively heavy despite her small stature, and Kakashi's dominate hand was limited. He pulled her over his shoulder as best as he could, hooking his handcuffed arm between her legs. She was alive and breathing and he hoped her shock was temporary.

Kakashi could still feel the phantom embrace of her arms around him when she shielded him from the crash He stubbornly tamped down the guilt. There would be time to feel guilty later; he needed to protect her now.

Kakashi walked to the edge of the road in order to ascertain the status of their pursuers. He had been accused of being brilliantly insane before, but this was the first time he truly understood what his comrades meant. Sakura had timed their crash just right, which is why they were still on the street and their captors were not. Kakashi could see the vehicle, and hear the frantic voices of his kidnappers from his safe point above them.

Sakura stirred on his shoulder, mumbling something about ramen, and Kakashi took that as a good sign. They had two options; they could either stick around and Kakashi could use the two bullets he had left to make a stand, or they could move forward. The other driver was a few kilometers down the road, and while his kidnapper lacked transportation, he was also conscious and uninjured.

Forward it was.

Kakashi carried Sakura away from the crash, eventually reaching a marker on the side of the road. He squinted in the dark as he took a look at the fields, a grim smile crossing his face. Thanks to a childhood filled with travel thanks to his famous father, he knew exactly where they were. Even better, someone how Kakashi trusted lived nearby.

Yamato was a bit old-fashioned, but at least he had a shower, a bed, and goddamn phone. His spirits lifting, Kakashi picked up the pace. A few minutes later he went off of the road, heading for a home that was hidden amongst the leaves of the forest.

It was a couple hours of walking before Kakashi entered the field adjacent to his friend's home. He had stopped to catch his breath several times, prolonging the journey despite the short distance. Dawn was beginning to break; he could feel the events of the past twenty-four hours catching up to him. He hadn't slept, and a throbbing pain was developing where the handcuff dug into his skin.

He adjusted his grip on Sakura as he stood at the front door, taking the opportunity to scratch the itch along his jaw.

"Yo, Yamato," he called, as he thumped the door with his foot.

He heard some movement in the house, and the door opened to reveal a familiar face.

"Kakashi?"

"Sorry for stopping by unexpectedly, but I'm afraid this is an emergency." Kakashi turned his head to the right, keeping his soulmark hidden from Yamato's view.

Yamato, taking a look at the woman flung over Kakashi's shoulder, opened the door without another word. He pointed to a chair, then disappeared further into the house. Kakashi spied a scarf hanging next to a winter coat, and Kakashi stole it as he passed. He lowered Sakura onto the chair, then wrapped the red scarf around the bottom of his face. His gut still burned with the indignity that Kakuzu and Hidan had ripped away his surgical mask. They knew the name of his _soulmate_.

 _The day after Sakura unmasked him on the subway, Kakashi accepted a long-standing invitation to a fight club. He was banned from returning._

Kakashi brushed away some of the hair sticking on Sakura's face as he reflected on how well they had worked together. They probably wouldn't have made it through the kidnapping otherwise. If there was one thing that Kakashi was a sucker for, it was teamwork.

Yamato returned five minutes later with a pair of deadbolt cutters. Kakashi gave a sigh of relief when the handcuffs were removed as the pain on his wrist ebbed away.

"What happened?" Yamato leaned the tool against the wall, then raised a hand upright to stop Kakashi from speaking. "Actually, I should ask this first; do I even want to know?"

"Probably not, but I'm telling you anyway." Kakashi sat down in another chair, wiping off some of the sweat along his forehead with his arm. "I was kidnapped along with this girl. We tried to escape, ended up in a car chase, and are being chased by extremists that have a secret plot to control the country's infrastructure."

Yamato blinked. "If you don't want to tell me, you can just say so."

Kakashi sighed. He wished he was joking. But no, this was his life now. "Can I use your phone?"

Yamato smiled, reaching into his pocket to pull out a cordless phone. "It belongs in the kitchen when you are done."

Kakashi nodded as Yamato left the room in order to give him privacy. He dialed the number, glancing at the time on the clock. It was still very early, and Genma was bound to be irritated; he enjoyed sleeping in.

"Hello?"

"Yo, Genma. It's Kakashi." He could hear a lamp being turned on.

"Kakashi, I know you get up at the crack of dawn, but not all of us are early birds," his tone was gruff in the early morning hours.

"I'm afraid this is a business call, Genma."

"Business? How the hell is this business?" There was some thumping in the background. "I _told_ you not to investigate that warehouse fire."

"Ahh." Kakashi rubbed at the back of head. "It's funny that you mention that, because I didn't. But apparently the people involved actually knew me from before and they recognized me —"

" _What!_ Where the hell are you? I'll be right there!"

"I'm two hours away. I'm hiding out at a friend's place right now. Genma, Konoha is involved."

"I know. I got word from my superiors that everyone is on high alert. It doesn't matter who tips us off or who they are involved with. We're supposed to investigate the validity of their claim immediately. How does this have anything to do with you?"

"I was kidnapped last night." Kakashi heard Genma squawk on the other end of the line. "It doesn't matter. I have a Konoha operative with me right now, and we managed to escape. I'm with a friend, and he can get us to a drop off point, but I don't know where to go."

"Where would he like us to be? Wherever you want, we'll make it happen."

Kakashi winced. Things were worse off than he imagined if the police force was willing to be so flexible. "My friend is a gardener. Can you find a florist somewhere?"

"Absolutely. I'll contact my people. I'll call back within the hour to tell you the specific location."

"Thanks, Genma."

"No problem." There was a pause on the other end of the line. "You know, Konoha is going to be very interested when they find out you are involved. How many times did you turn down the recruiter?"

Kakashi sighed as he looked at Sakura's unconscious body. An ugly bruise was beginning to form along the apple of her cheek. " Let's just say things are... _complicated_. I'll talk to you in an hour."

The call disconnected, and Kakashi made his way to the kitchen to put back the phone. Yamato was at the counter preparing breakfast.

"I'm afraid I don't have anything fancy to eat." Yamato scooped the rice into bowls.

"That's fine. Do you think you can take us into the city with you when you make your deliveries?"

Yamato nodded as he handed a bowl over to Kakashi. "I can. How's the girl?"

"She hasn't woken up yet."

"You can take her to my bedroom. It'll be more comfortable than the chair."

Kakashi nodded as he continued to eat his breakfast. Sakura was still out when he checked on her. He carried her bridal style to the bedroom, his muscles trembling with exhaustion. The Spartan bedroom contained a queen-sized bed, a nightstand, and a single wardrobe. Kakashi set Sakura down ; she stirred as he placed a blanket on top of her.

Sakura looked so harmless when she was asleep. Kakashi felt a smile cross his lips as he recalled the way she dominated the two men who were easily twice her size. He wanted her to wake up soon so he could question her about a few things. Why did she think he went by his father's name? Who was the largest target she had every gone against? He also wanted to test her skills, to see how she moved when she wasn't shackled with his weight on her wrist.

It was hard to believe that this was the same girl from eighteen hours ago who couldn't stop flirting.

Kakashi brushed the hair away from her face, then left the room to let her rest. He returned to the kitchen and Yamato. "I could use a shower, do you mind if I borrow some of your clothes?"

"Go ahead. I'm going outside to begin prepping the shipment." Yamato was already putting on his gardening gloves. "I usually leave around nine in the morning, that way we can be in the city by noon. Your friend Genma called, I already have the drop-off location. You have a few hours to rest up." Yamato took the deadbolt cutters with him as he went to take care of his duties.

Kakashi briefly entered the bedroom to search through the wardrobe. Sakura was mumbling in her sleep. He crossed the hallway to enter the bathroom; much like the rest of the house, it was small and minimal.

Kakashi and Yamato had been friends for a long time, knowing each other throughout their childhood. Kakashi had been orphaned at eight, and it was via his guardian that he met Yamato. They had attended the same school, and as such, both ended up with the same rigorous lifestyle that was exemplified in simplistic living. On occasion, Kakashi would visit for a weekend, sleeping on the small cot in the spare room. It had been a few years since Kakashi had last visited. The Coffee Ninja had grown to be more successful than he imaged. His customers loved the prompt service, and paid a premium for it. That meant little time to get away.

Kakashi climbed into the shower and noted, with some amusement, that he shared the same taste in shampoo as Yamato. Even though they had minimal contact, there were some bonds that wouldn't break, and Kakashi was happy to call Yamato his friend. It was when Kakashi reached for the towel, on the shelf next to shower that he realized something was amiss. Kakashi believed in the benefits that came with a life of simple living; however, Yamato needed to learn that full-sized towels were a luxury _all_ could afford. Why have eight small ones, when one normal sized one would do? The towel in Kakashi's hand was bigger than the one he used for the dishes, but was really better suited to dry hands.

Kakashi ran his hand across his face, brushing the water away from his eyes. He attempted to dry off with the towel, but the whole thing was soaked even before he tried to dry off is hair. Kakashi rubbed at his left cheek, before shrugging and putting on his change of clothes and his stolen scarf. He tossed his clothing in the washing machine, and went to check on Sakura. She was still sleeping,

Now that Kakashi had wiped the grime away from his body; he was relaxed enough that he could take a nap of his own before their trip to the city. Kakashi headed to the spare bedroom, raising his arms above his head to stretch his back. Kakashi smiled when his back gave a satisfying pop, only for it to slide off his face when he entered the spare bedroom. It had been converted into an office space, a desk and computer occupying the corner of the room in place of the small bed where he had spent the night a few years ago.

"Dammit," Kakashi clenched his fist as he felt his nap slip through his fingertips. Sighing to himself, Kakashi returned to Sakura, it was really the only other thing he could do.

Kakashi eyed the space beside her with longing. It had been a few years since he had suffered through sleep deprivation, and it was one of his least favorite things about being in the military. Kakashi had only realized how much he loved naps once he was deprived of them.

Kakashi crept closer to Sakura, noting the gentle rise and fall of the blanket wrapped around her. He contemplated the space next to her, evaluating the odds of placing himself on the bed without waking her. After all, it wasn't his fault Yamato only had one bed, right?

Kakashi laid himself down, careful not to move the mattress too much. Crossing his arms across his chest, he sighed in relief. He briefly wondered if he shared the same type of mattress with Yamato before falling asleep.

Kakashi awoke when a yelp screeched in his ear. He tugged the scarf around his face up as he turned to the perpetrator. Sakura had scrambled to her feet, snatching a flashlight atop the nightstand to hold it in front of her like a weapon.

"Sakura?" Kakashi frowned at her when he noticed that she was shaking, unsteady on her two legs. "What's wrong?"

" _Who the fuck are you!?"_ Sakura jabbed a finger in Kakashi's direction, her eyes scanning the room as she inched towards the doorway. "I don't know what game you're playing by dragging me into your bed, but if you don't take me home right this instant, I'm going to make certain you will never walk the right way again." Sakura's face was so expressive; Kakashi thought he saw more emotions cross her face in the span of five minutes than he had in his entire life.

Then the words sank into his head.

Kakashi stared at Sakura in horror. _No. It couldn't be._ Surely, she had to be joking. He told her so.

"You must be joking. You don't remember me?"

"No." She blinked. "I… who are you to me?"

…

Kakashi was incredibly proud of his record when he was in the military. He was well known by his peers for his mental discipline that led to a success rated envied by all. Apparently, Sakura cared nothing of his reputation, because she was driving a jackhammer right into his composure.

Sakura, the walking cliché, had _amnesia._

WHAT

THE

FUCK

Kakashi found himself at a loss of what to do. They weren't friends, they were barely acquaintances. If he didn't come up with an explanation fast, it was entirely possible he would end up with a broken kneecap.

"I don't know you very well. You're one of my regular customers."

Sakura's mouth opened, glancing at the bed before making eye contact with him again. "Oh—uh—are you a prostitute?"

"No!" Kakashi took a hasty step away from the bed to put a healthy amount of distance in between the two of them. He wanted to press his hands against his face in frustration, but he had better discipline than that. Who was this girl? Why would that be her first assumption?

 _How often did she hire prostitutes?_

"Fuck, _no._ I own a coffee shop and you buy coffee. _Not. Sex."_ For some reason, Kakashi felt like he needed to stress the point. He ran a hand through his hair. "How hard did you hit your head?"

Sakura raised a hand to touch at a spot on the back of her head. "I have a headache. And I feel a bit dizzy. I probably have a concussion." She narrowed her eyes. "What am I doing with _you_?"

"Ah." Kakashi frowned. "I'm not certain how much you remember, and I'm afraid I don't have all of the answers either."

Kakashi noticed the whitening of Sakura's knuckles as she clutched the flashlight tighter. With the recent memory of how she took out Kakuzu and Hidan with only a water bottle playing in his head, Kakashi took at timid seat on the bed. It was proabably best for his health to give Sakura the height advantage and proximity to the doorway.

"The short story is that we were kidnapped, we escaped, and we are currently recovering with my friend, Yamato. He's going to drive us into the city in a couple of hours. I know you're a spy." He blinked, before coughing into his hand. "Ah, do you know you work for Konoha? I'm not certain how much you remember..."

Sakura straightened, and lowered her flashlight. "I remember that part. Now that you mention it, I do remember a fight with a man with a bunch of tattoos." She squinted. "It's bits and pieces though. I don't remember you at all."

Kakashi held out his wrist. "You coordinated our escape plan; we even have matching handcuff marks."

Sakura touched the bruise on her own wrist. She stared at it in concentration before nodding slightly.

"So now what?"

"Yamato left a bowl of food for you, if you would like to eat."

"Actually, I could use a shower. Maybe it will help me clear my head a little bit. I don't think I could eat anything right now—I still feel a little bit ill."

Kakashi eyed Sakura as she trembled, noting her tense shoulders, and how frequently she blinked. She was in bad form, and needed to go to the hospital. But unfortunately, the nearest hospital was in the opposite direction of the city. He was in the unenviable position of not having enough information to really take charge, but also the one most suited to leadership. And the best thing he could do was take them to a secure location where they could recover in safety.

Kakashi was also uncertain if Sakura would be safe in the shower without support. She might slip on the porcelain tub. One concussion was bad enough, two was awful, but three in such a short span of time would almost guarantee long term side effects. He didn't think he would be able to sleep at night knowing he could have prevented it.

Then again, the alternative was offering to help her shower.

"The bathroom is just down the hall. Please be careful, I don't want you to slip and fall." Kakashi struggled to swallow, confused on why his mouth had become so dry.

Kakashi left her to her own devices, taking care to give Sakura plenty of space. He had seen what she could do when she was unarmed; he had no urge to test out her skills with a weapon. Yamato was out in the fields, organizing the previous days flower cuts and loading them in the delivery trucks. Kakashi could see he was busy and so didn't bother his friend, taking the opportunity to enjoy the morning. It wasn't very often that he had the chance to enjoy life outside of the city since he had his own busine—

Oh shit.

He hadn't even thought about opening his coffee shop this morning. He had been so concerned about Sakura that he completely forgot about that the fact no one else had the key to The Coffee Ninja. That had never happened before.

The past twenty-four hours had pulled Kakashi out of his comfortable life, forcing him right to his breaking point. He would complain about the injustice of it all, but Kakashi had learned long ago that life wasn't fair. There was something about that girl; he simply didn't know what it was yet.

 _"I'm not a girl. I'm a young lady."_

Kakashi clenched his jaw. He kept trying to say she was a young girl to keep her firmly off limits. She was a bit young, though many of his employees were Sakura's age, a relationship with one of them was never appealing.

But there was nothing unappealing about how high she could kick.

Kakashi jerked, looking around him to see if anyone had noticed his daydream, suddenly self-conscious.

Blinking away the memory of Sakura's legs, Kakashi went back inside. It would still be a little bit before Yamato would be ready to depart, and he could go back to his original plan of getting some shut eye. Kakashi rubbed at the right side of his face again, the heat emanating from his jaw.

Was he blushing?

Now that was just pathetic.

Kakashi made his way back to the bedroom, searching through the wardrobe. He doubted Sakura would want to change back into her dirty clothes. Everything Yamato owned would dwarf her, but it couldn't be helped. Kakashi gather a pair of pants, a long-sleeved t-shirt for her, intent of leaving them outside the bathroom door. He turned around, and froze as his mind was wiped blank.

Kakashi's mouth dropped open as he saw his partner enter the room wearing two of Yamato's towels. What was a supreme annoyance a few hours ago was now a blessing from the heavens. Even with Sakura's smaller build, there just wasn't enough material. Kakashi was treated to an abundance of skin, noting the light dusting of pale freckles which dotted her shoulders. Sakura's hair was still wet, the strands clinging to her neck causing a small trail of water to drip from her collar bone down the swell of her breasts. He came to his senses when the water droplet vanished between her cleavage. Aware that he was staring, Kakashi diverted his eyes to the floor.

Kakashi foolishly believed her feet were a safe zone to stare.

He was wrong.

Wrong

 **Wrong**

 _KAKASHI_

 _ **WRONG**_

"Do you have anything I can wear?" Sakura asked.

"Yes," Kakashi replied, as his eyes remained glued to his name along her ankle. He fumbled with the clothing in his hands. "We should be able to make our way to the city within the hour." His finally tore his eyes away from her ankle. She smiled at him, and the warmth of his soulmark rippled along his skin. "I'll leave you to it then," he said. He turned, practically running outside to get away from her.

She was his soulmate _. She was his soulmate_.

He found his soulmate!

Kakashi pulled at the scarf he took from Yamato, pressing the material against his lips. Sakura had said before that she knew they weren't soulmates, but then again, she thought his name was Sakumo. Sakura was a topnotch spy who didn't know how to use a search engine.

Kakashi didn't know what to do. Should he say something? He had to say _something._

No. Sakura still had a concussion and amnesia. Even if he said something, it was likely she wouldn't believe him, and he didn't have the identification to prove it. Her name was so common, even if he showed his own off, it wouldn't mean much.

Fuck.

He would just have to keep it a secret for now.

Kakashi made his way around the house to Yamato, who was filling the flower truck with his shipment. He coughed in his hand. "Can I talk to you?"

"Is something wrong with the girl?" Yamato paused from loading the truck.

"Yes. She has a concussion and barely remembers about what happened last night. And I..." _Shit._ "She's my soulmate."

Yamato's mouth dropped open and his eyes grew so wide, Kakashi was afraid they would roll right out of his head. "Kakashi, are you sure?"

"I just saw my name on her ankle." He tugged down the scarf, turning slightly to show his friend the mark along his jaw for the first time. "She matches mine."

Yamato groaned. "Well, that's really bad timing. I suppose that's your luck."

Kakashi hummed as he pulled the scarf back up. "I would appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself for now. We have enough going on at the moment. I just had to tell someone."

"Of course," Yamato said as he clasped a hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "You know I would do anything to support you. I think she's looking for you right now." Yamato turned Kakashi slightly so he could see Sakura.

Kakashi did not want to go over to talk to her. On a good day, he had subpar social skills, and today he was currently sleep deprived, and emotionally drained to boot. He was still struggling to figure out how he felt about her. Yes, she was his soulmate. But what did that mean?

Sakura was curled up on the steps, resting her chin on her knees. She gave Kakashi a little wave when she noticed him looking her way; it the same flighty movement from when she had visited The Coffee Ninja. The action was comforting. Kakashi made his way over to her, leaning against the side of the house.

"Are you feeling a little better?" He tucked his hands in his pockets as he looked sideways at her. Sakura was playing with her borrowed shirt, rolling the long sleeves to an acceptable length.

"My head is still tender, but I'm not dizzy anymore. My memories are coming back, but it's still a little spotty. You said you own a coffee shop; is it the one with all of the dogs on the wall?"

Kakashi felt unusually pleased by her question. "Yes, that's the one."

"I remember the coffee shop. Ino, my friend, wouldn't stop talking about The Coffee Ninja. She tried for months to take me there, but the shop was out of my way." She scrunched her nose in contemplation. "I don't know how she found out about it; she lives even farther away from The Coffee Ninja than I do."

Kakashi shrugged. "It has some strong word of mouth. Sometimes I'm surprised myself. I'm thinking of opening a second location soon. I can only fit so many workers in the shop, and soon the crowd is going to be too large." He kicked at a rock on the ground, watching it hit a knot on a nearby tree. "I wonder what everyone thought when they showed up to see that the business was closed."

"Terrified, I'm sure. First, they have to find another location to buy their coffee, and they also had to wait in a long line. Second, everyone is scared you won't be opened tomorrow, either." Sakura tilted her head as she looked up at him, her hair falling forward across her face. "I think you made everyone late this morning too."

Kakashi clenched his fist in his pocket. The urge to brush the hair away from her face appeared out of nowhere. Kakashi had noticed he had been doing it earlier, but he had chalked it up to concern for her health.

It was probably the sleep exhaustion.

Kakashi was saved from thinking about it more when he saw Yamato waving them over. He went first, mindful of Sakura's presence behind him.

Yamato nodded to the both of them when they approached. "The truck is all packed up, so we can depart as soon as I lock up. I checked the traffic a few minutes ago to see if there was anything we needed to know. It appears the police have set up a blockade going into the city. They're searching for a pair of suspects who are responsible for a hit and run." Yamato beamed at the both of them. "The suspects' description matches the two of you."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. Yamato looked far too happy.

"Fortunately, I make deliveries every day, so I know the regular traffic guards who would be responsible for handling the blockade. I know they won't search inside the truck, so the two of you will have to hide with the goods, rather than ride in the front with me.

Yamato opened the back of the delivery truck with a dramatic flair. "I created a space in the back for the two of you to hide. It'll be a tight fit, and a little cold, but it will work."

Kakashi looked at his friend in horror, certain that something awful was about to occur

"Oh, I can't thank you enough, Yamato." Sakura said, oblivious to Kakashi's fear. "It's so good that you're willing to help us."

Kakashi's traitorous friend gave a sheepish laugh. "I just want to make sure the two of you are okay."

Sakura beamed up at Kakashi. "You have a wonderful friend."

"I am very lucky," Kakashi replied evenly, giving Yamato a rude hand signal behind her back.

Yamato was unfazed. "Well, go on in. You should probably go first," Yamato said as he ushered Kakashi to get in.

Kakashi clambered into the back of the truck. Yamato could have arranged for them to sit on a couple of crates. Instead, he had laid out a few pallets in the back to create an area for them to lie down on. It was the size of a bed.

A small, uncomfortable bed.

A couple of hours ago, Kakashi had contemplated the propriety of sleeping next to a semi-stranger in a large bed. He had been so naïve, unaware of his future. This entire day was doing its best to make Kakashi feel like a fool.

Kakashi took Yamato off of his Christmas list as he half-slid, half crawled into his assigned space. He looked up when he was in place to see wooden slats inches from his nose. Kakashi had never been in a coffin before, but he was certain this must be what it felt like. He was going to be buried alive surrounded by flowers. Kakashi was grateful for his scarf; his sensitive nose would not be able to take the scent of the fresh-cut flowers otherwise.

There was enough room so the two of them would be able to have some space, but at least one of them would be on their side in order to fit. Kakashi turned to his right side, as he felt Sakura wiggling up into her place next to him. An elbow hit his chin.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Sakura whispered. "I was trying to hand you a blanket."

Kakashi felt the blanket touch the back of his hand, and he tugged at it to cover his torso. "It's fine."

It wasn't fine.

This was some sort of hell.

Kakashi owned a coffee shop, one of the most popular places to start a relationship. He should have met his soulmate in the context of his business. In a way, he _had_ met Sakura that way. But she should have come in every day, and he should have discovered she was his soulmate through gradual conversation. Sakura should have come in, and he should have felt a strange pull towards her.

 _Sakura should have been a vet._

Instead, Kakashi was trapped in a small space, knowing they were soulmates, but being unable to say anything.

He heard Yamato from the other side of the wall of flowers. "I'm going to shut the door now. The refrigerator unit will come when I start the truck, so it might get a bit cold."

 _Of course it would._

A few minutes later, the engine came on, and the refrigerator unit began to blast cold air. It didn't take long for the chill to get uncomfortable. Sakura pressed against Kakashi further, seeking the warmth that came from body heat. She fiddled with the blankets, trying to overlap them so they could share both.

Kakashi closed his eyes, and contemplated his life. He was huddling for warmth with a pink-haired amnesiac spy in a space the size of a child's bed.

Fuck him.

Kakashi was never buying Yamato another birthday gift either.

* * *

 **A/N: (Previous a/n deleted)**

 **Today is the 20th of January, 2018.** I'm starting to get an increasing amount of reviews/pms written in panic voices wondering if the story is abandoned. It is not! :D I was sidetracked by my other Kakasaku story Ninja Dorks as it was really easy to write based on my work schedule. I was updating that story almost every week between July-November. Now that it is finished, all my attention is on EBTKS. I didn't write for a couple of weeks because of the holidays, but I'm back to it. The current rough draft is at 12k and I still have one more scene to write. Plus, it needs to go through a couple of more versions before it goes to beta.

As always, feel free to send me a message or poke around my tumblr: **itslulu42**

 **Chapter Four:** **Fuck You, In Flowers.**

 _"You should look me up online."_


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